omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
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