Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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