Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
