Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
