Sponge bath it is.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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