How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize