My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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