Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Randomize