Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
my god I love twenty year old dicks
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
