these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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