Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
BRING THE BAGELS
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
