she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
