We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
