We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize