just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
