Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize