I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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