he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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