no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
