i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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