Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
