I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
