yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize