There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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