I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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