i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
