Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
