I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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