New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
