i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I think people are normalizing furries
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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