Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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