I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
