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Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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