The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
