i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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