Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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