Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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