i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Randomize
