I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
