the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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