Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
