i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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