Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Pants are for mortals
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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