so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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