do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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