I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Houston, we have a squirter
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
