things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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