piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
