ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My ass is underappreciated
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
