see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
