My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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