im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You are a genius and a whore.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
