ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I think I just shit out all my problems.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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