you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
