I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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