I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
