I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He better not be in your backpack
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
