I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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