I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
