you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
