I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
