Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
