I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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