I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
