She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
