can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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