At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Randomize
