Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
