I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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