Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
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