I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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