she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
