I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
