the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
