Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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