I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
