Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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