Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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