Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
