At least make sure they are 18
Why
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
