i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
