I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
We had sex on a dog bed..
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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