If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
