New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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