i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
apparently the secret to your success is patron
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
