im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
