he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
