let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
