I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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