Christians are straight up FREAKS
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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