the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize