So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
