he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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