it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
